A question specifically for Doms and Dommes who have, at some po... moreA question specifically for Doms and Dommes who have, at some point, chosen to assume the role of submissive simply to gain an understanding of it. If this is something you have done what did you learn? What did you like and dislike? What did you change as a result?
(I know there is a separate debate to be had about whether Dommes and Doms should /need/try to kneel in a subs place for a day. There is a forum topic specifically for that question. Here I hope to get an insight from those who have done it and from switches who experience both sides) less
I was inspired to write this after reading a comment on the main... moreI was inspired to write this after reading a comment on the main stream.
Its kind of a given that submissive females (by no means all) have a sexual relationship with their dominant. For the dominants who choose not to have a sexual relationship with their female submissive or indeed the female doesn't want to have sex with the dominant, its normally because they are either in another committed relationship (often vanilla) and so want dominating without the commitment of anything sexual or chastity is part of their kink. I'm sure there are other reasons but I'll leave you to fill me in.....
Many dominant women don't want to have sex with a male submissive. They will happily have sex with a female submissive if they happen to be bi or lesbian but male submissives don't often get to fuck around in the bedroom. Now of course we have fem Dommes in fully committed relationships. Dommes who marry their submissives, have children together and live happily ever after. Over the years though, I have heard many a Domme cla... less
I recently read this blog on FL https://fetlife.com/groups/26554... moreI recently read this blog on FL https://fetlife.com/groups/26554/group_posts/5829403. I read the link and wondered how the op had come to such strange conclussions about this new proposal. Here is the real source if anyone can be bothered. It actually differs quite a bit from The Telegraphs version www.gov.uk/governmen...Consultation_WEB.PDF.
Interestingly the blogger seems to interpret this as some sort of sting against the BDSM community. That the UK will no longer be a safe haven for consensual domination or perhaps he believes that all men should be dominant and what goes on behind four walls shouldn't be anyones business but their own. I love that we have such an array of choices within our BDSM community but when I meet men and women who believe all men have a right to be dominant and all women should know their place, it rings a few alarm bells.
Happy birthday from me!
Wow what a year you have had. 1st year. ... moreHappy birthday from me!
Wow what a year you have had. 1st year. At uni successfully completed, new house, new sexy photoshoot and a couple of broken arms!
Have a wonderful year ahead you wonderful lady.
Lots of love xx
I love the book 'Sperm Wars'. I also find it interesting how the... moreI love the book 'Sperm Wars'. I also find it interesting how the female uterus is so selective.
@ John: For me, the problem with poly isn't about how one person manages to love more than one other, but how those others manage to cope with it on an emotional basis.
I think a lot of people jump into poly for the wrong reasons. A man who thinks its hot to have more than one lover is going to find it a lot of hard work. A man who wants another woman that he can train up to be exactly like his first slave is going to be continuously disappointed and a man who takes on a second regardless of the jealousy issues his other sub is going to go through is probably going to lose both of them.
Both our long term poly was born out of very good friendships. The initial friendship, for us at least, was crucial. We already knew one another, we already all liked one another and in both instances, it was me, the female who made the suggestion of moving this in the poly direction.
Psychology today is about as 'knowledge' as astronomy was in anc... morePsychology today is about as 'knowledge' as astronomy was in ancient Egypt.
Sun rises over there; goes over head and sets over there. As we can see the world is flat... therefore... erm... there must be a factory underneath us making new suns everyday. QED innit.
Humans do things for an immensely complex set of reasons - almost infinite in their interactions and subtle pressures. While it may seem easy to extrapolate from the extreme edges and claim a casual connection, most psychology and especially pop-psychology is nothing more than guessing at a what could possibly be the cause for an observed effect. Given there are countless zillions of factors that affect any single decision, let's just ignore them and hope they have not discernible effect.
Claiming that humans are naturally monogamous - especially men - is discounting millions of divorced women who have evidence to the contrary. Some are, some aren't... in a world that is about as far away from natural as can be envisaged by 'your philosophy', natural te... less
totallyuncovered said:"In terms of the animal Kingdom it is norm... moretotallyuncovered said:"In terms of the animal Kingdom it is normally stated if a species mates for life. Point being that there is probably a biological argument that exists for monogamy being "natural"."
When it comes to humans and monogamy this is actually an unanswered question. Evolutionary biologists, anthropologists and others looking into this have found the facts contradict each other. The popular idea is that we started off with one male with a harem and evolved into monogamy. This idea dates from around Darwin’s time and is rooted in his concept of competition for mates driving evolution along with survival of the fittest. The main biology arguments break down as follows
Physically both genders are a similar size so it's unlikely that we would fall into the one male with a harem of females such as Gorillas and if you look at the fossil record there never was such a difference in gender size. We are not perfectly matched in size like gibbons (the only monogamous ape). If you look at... less
One of the interesting aspect of this al... moreicarus_101 said:
One of the interesting aspect of this alternative lifestyle is everyone is stating...
"I want THIS so bugger what anyone else thinks, I am gonna go for it...."
I do think this outlook can have negative as well as positive connotations. When an attitude of primacy of self and one's own needs and desires over all else is brought into relationships it's a recipe for destructive outcomes. I think it's most people's starting off point but any relationship is about both people's needs and cares for themselves and each other. For me, the problem with poly isn't about how one person manages to love more than one other, but how those others manage to cope with it on an emotional basis. less